Tuesday, November 23, 2010

This time of year...

I  have always loved this time of year.
There is just something about the fall (even in Arizona) that is so special...
I have been reflecting on my life more than usual lately and I have had much on my mind.
I can't help but think of how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. I have so much to be grateful for.
2 years ago Steven and I were dating. It seemed as though as soon as we became official our relationship became very serious. We knew we wanted to be together and we loved each other and we both had a strong confirmation through prayer that we were supposed to be together. We didn't see any point in waiting to get married (thus begins my story of turning into the exact girl that I used to make fun of).
I remember how scared I was, two years ago, to come forward with the news to my parents that I wanted to marry Steven. So, I tested the news out on my brother first making him PROMISE that he would not say anything... That night at the dinner table, guess what my brother shared with my parents... yep. (Sigh... Go figure.) The news did not go over very well.
After dinner my dad, brothers and I headed outside to work on the front yard shoveling rocks. I took the opportunity to share with my dad how I felt about this man that I wanted to marry.  I remember him asking me many questions, and sharing his doubts.
At this point in my life I had so many mixed emotions. I was scared that I was not mature enough (I wasn't and don't think that I will ever be mature enough) for marriage. I was scared that my parents would not support me. I was just scared of the unknown.
But even though I had these fears I never doubted my love for Steven, my desire to be with him forever, and the confirmation that I had received that Steven should be my husband.
I have since realized (I am pretty sure my parents have realized this by now too) that marrying Steven was the best decision I ever made. He makes me want to be my best self and I know that he loves me because of the way that he treats me.
At this point in my life, exactly 2 years later, I am preparing for something that has turned out to scare me more than the idea of getting married did. I have my doubts daily and I have no idea what kind of mother I am going to turn out to be.
I have loved this chapter in my life that I was able to spend with just my husband and I am trying to savor every last day I have with him for the next few months. But even though I have these daily fears there are some things that I never doubt.
I love this little baby growing inside of me. I know that I will always love him no matter what he does or the kind of trouble he may get himself into I will always love him.
I love feeling his movements (however weird it may be) reminding me that he is there, and coming soon.
I am treasuring these last few months with him while is still all mine before I introduce him to the world. I love how happy he already makes Steven and me.
I love the change that I have seen taking over Steven while he prepares to be a dad. Every chance he gets he feels the baby move and he gasps and gets excited to feel the movement every single time. I love it.
 Even though I am scared I know that this is the Lord's plan for us and he never gives us anything beyond what we can handle. I have faith that everything will work out the way that it should. I am so excited for this little baby to come and just like marrying Steven, this baby is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
I have so much to be grateful for this year and I am thankful for this time of we have to give thanks for all the things and blessings that we have been given.
Sorry this is so long... I maybe only cried twice while writing this post.  I am only a little pregnant.


  1. Isn't it funny, how life turns out sooo differently than we plan? I also used to make fun of girls who got engaged so "quickly," but Ben and I got engaged only after two months. But when it's right, it's right, you know?

  2. Emily, I am so excited for you. You are going to be a great mother! I'm so glad that I get to keep up on your life through this blog (wait, was that creepy?!)

  3. Please.I am the creepiest of the creepies... Thank you so much for that kind comment! I too, enjoy keeping up with your life through your blog!