I have been really moody lately. This is not typical for me. Usually I am a pretty happy, "go with the flow" kind of person. I have been bitter for a while about certain events that have happened and I have been holding grudges. Stupid grudges. I am really feeling the effects of keeping these nasty feelings with me. I need to let them go. Poor Steven has been suffering the wrath of Emily almost nightly and I can't believe that he still decides to sleep in the same bed as me.
I would like to blame my moodiness on my lack of sleep, not getting out of the house, and of course, the IUD that is in my body (that supposedly might give some women mood swings). Although some of those excuses (excluding the IUD. I just said that one to look like I had more excuses...) might contribute, they are not the reason for my extra moodiness.
I am really working on letting these grudges go. They are effecting not only me but Steven too.
Honestly, I daily deal with feeling inadequate as a mother and a wife. It's bad.
Millions of mothers are able to wake up early every morning to make their families breakfast, have dinner waiting on the table when everyone gets home, do all the laundry, and keep a clean house everyday. Why is it that I have a hard time doing any of these tasks every single day and I only have one child? I don't know how I am going to have more children... I can't imagine having a more neglected home.
We just got the Ensign two days ago and of course the first talk I read was Elder Scott's talk on Eternal marriage. The way that he speaks about his sweet wife brings tears to my eyes. If Steven could someday speak about me the way that Elder Scott does about his wife, I will know that have become the woman that he deserves. She sounds like she was an amazing woman. I want to be like her.
I am going to be better. I hate fighting with anyone but especially with Steven. I feel like a jerk every time I do.
Well, there's some honesty for you. I am going to go on a walk now with my little man love. Fresh air and sunshine always make me happy.
P.S. I am also working on not complaining or putting myself down... Starting now.