Sometimes you have a really bad morning.
Sometimes your one year old son does nothing but hang on your leg and cry at you because he wants you to pick him up. If you do pick him up you know that he will never let you put him down and even though holding him gives you a good arm workout it is particularly difficult to do things with one (or no) hands. There are things that need to be done in the mornings. Like washing your hair, work, going to the bathroom... those kinds of things that are better done with two free hands.
But you do pick him up (because you have a heart) and he clings to you like a monkey. After a little while of this you put him down... And he cries. And screams. And follows you everywhere.
And you have no idea what to do because you have tried everything else you can think of. Even letting him get on the kitchen table. He does not want to be happy.
He moves on from wanting to be held to wanting to destroy everything he sees while you try to pick up after him as he goes. It really feels like he is destroying everything! Like your Hunger Games book he spills water on (from who knows where) and everything that was once in your purse has now been taken out and is all over your room. All his toys that you just organized are now scattered all over the floor. His breakfast of eggs, oranges, and animal crackers have all been thrown all onto the floor and smashed.
He still cries and cries and this is really weird for him to do for this long so it is kind of freaking you out and is extremely frustrating...
Then while you are trying to get ready he starts screaming and trying to put everything in the bathroom into your toilet that he now knows how to lift the seat on and flush. He does this again and again. And it makes you angry. So angry you raise your voice at him. So angry that you carry him to his room and shut the door so he can't get out.
Then you take a few seconds to breathe and send your husband a text that says,
"Do you want to come and get your devil child and take him to work with you today?"
This is not something you usually do but this day has pushed all of your buttons.
Then you realize that all your boy wants is your love. You start to feel extremely guilty. You say a prayer that you can get though the rest of your day (it is now only 11:00 in the morning) as a decent mom and be able to show your son your love while being patient.
You go to his room to get him and he is exhausted from pounding on the door.
Then YOU cling to him and rock him and tell him how sorry you are while he sniffles into your neck.
All the anger you once felt has turned to love and you want nothing more than to show your son that you love him and that you are there for him.
To show him your love you decide to go on a picnic in the backyard with dinosaur chicken nuggets and apple slices. He loves it.
While you are eating someone comes to your door and when you answer it you recognize that it is someone from your new ward. She is holding some of your favorite flowers and gives them to you just because.
That's when you realize that there is someone watching out for you too. He is aware of you and knows your heart. He knows how hard the morning has been for you (no matter how minor it may seem) and he wants nothing more than to show you His love too.
I am so thankful for this kind women for being an instrument in the Lord's hands and coming by my home at just the right moment. I don't know if she will ever know how much her visit meant to me.
Needless to say I am feeling much better now.
* Please keep in mind that days like this hardly ever happen to me. I don't usually let my one year old onto the kitchen table and I never put him into his room by himself where I shut the door and he cries and pounds on the door. Today was just an extra special day and I was extra frustrated and moody. Please don't call CPS on me.